The Pink Hiney–a Great Atlanta Tradition

Who would have ever dreamed they would be forced to launch “damage control” from a high level in the name of pigs? Are you kidding me? Wipe everything you have heard from your mind and say, “H1N1.” And forget about The Flu Formerly Known as Swine.

H1N1. Sort of looks like hiney to me. You know that little tune: “I see your hiney, All bright and shiny. It makes me giggle, to see it wiggle.” I’m sorry, every time I see H1N1 from now on, that’s what I’ll think.

After the entire world has been promoted to Pandemic Level 5, and after WHO—not to be confused with THE Who (great music but glad they’re not in charge of the pandemic)–has spoken and said, “All of humanity is under threat,” they decided to rename this disease because it gives pigs a bad image, and people are not eating pork.

The pigs ARE at fault. As the President himself said about closing the borders to contain it, “It would be like closing the barn door after the horses are out.” Apply the same logic to the whole name change. The CDC can’t unring that bell. At least they called it Swine Flu. They really could have named it Pig Flu. Or, maybe it would have been okay to disguise it as in “Ig-pay Oo-flay.” When they named Mad Cow Disease, they didn’t beat around the bush. We knew where that came from. Plus they added a descriptive adjective in front of it to make it even worse. Cow Disease must not have carried the right amount of terror. The pork industry ought to get over it. The whole world could have been calling it Filthy Swine Flu.

There’s one thing that really makes me sad: even if everybody really does start calling it by its new name (the Hiney Flu), nobody is gonna forget where it all started. That cute little pink guy with the curly tail won’t ever be thought of the same way again. “This little piggy” has to get with the program. “This little hiney went to market, this little hiney stayed home”—I could go with that. And one of Atlanta’s best-loved traditions for the past 50 years, The Pink Pig, could stand another makeover:

I think it has a nice ring to it. What do you think? : )