08 29, 2009 · Filed in: Family
Let me tell you about “Too Much Sugar for a Dime.” I had never heard this phrase until I married Danny Clark 37 years ago. Just by the way he said it and whatever he was referrring to, I knew immediately what it meant. If something was Too Much Sugar for a Dime, I knew he meant that “it” would be more trouble than it was worth. And he has never been one to be involved in anything that was too much trouble. And then………….
God said to Danny: “Thou hast chosen a wife. Go forth and multiply. And henceforth, thou wilt be blessed with two beautiful daughters and, lo, thou wilt findeth out thou only thoughtest thou knew Too Much Sugar for a Dime. Thou must learn patience, even if it taketh unto the ends of the earth for thou to learnest.”
It was after God spoke to Danny that two baby divas were born 2 ½ years apart. Danny couldn’t blame me for two girls because the father determines the sex of the child—everyone knows that. Right? And God, ever true to His word, began to show him the true meaning of Too Much Sugar for a Dime. Danny was suddenly tangled up with a wife and two daughters who gave this expression a whole new meaning for him, much like those who surrounded Frankenstein felt when that lightning bolt brought him to life.
I would have to say that Too Much Sugar for a Dime is more like a concept that might be stretched to apply to a person OR to an experience. You can think back to projects you undertook that went way out of control beyond your wildest imagination in a sort of domino effect (which is really an inaccurate comparison to use since dominoes is a game and what you’re doing cannot be even remotely construed to be fun.) I’m talking about things like a small plumbing repair (“Honey, the toilet is running again…) that results in removal of the actual toilet and 20 trips to Home Depot. That little plumbing repair becomes Too Much Sugar for a Dime.
Then there are people. Girl babies come into the world with an AGENDA. They are born with a genetic marker known as Sugar. As they grow from babies into little girls, they are Juuuuuuust Enough Sugar for a Dime. Then, one day it seems like they and everything they touch exceeds the accepted Sugar quota. One favorite recipe around our house called for 1 Party, 1 New Outfit, and 1 New Boyfriend. Then, you add Sugar to taste. No external source of heat is required since it will ignite from Spontaneous Combustion. You can bet it was always stirred till boiling. You may substitute other ingredients as desired to suit the occasion.
I can’t pinpoint the actual DAY it happened, but almost simultaneously, these six magical words gave Valerie, Cecilia and me a new way to communicate. Somewhere along the way, we discovered there was a disaster movie associated with anything we undertook. We would be floating along and before you could say Titanic, the ship had severely tilted and everybody had started sliding down into the water. What can I really say except Sugar ‘R Us.
The creation of the caricature drawings of us for this blog was mighty fun for the good folks at Stone Soup Technology, I’ll bet. The setup and design of the blog was a birthday gift to me by my daughters. They hired Stone Soup website designers to do our caricatures based on photos. When the “unveiling” took place—much like the Presidential portrait, I feel sure—the first thing I said was, “Why is my hair parted in the middle. I never part my hair in the middle. Can he fix that? And, y’all, I’m sorry. You know I never would wear that shade of green. You know I love hot pink. CC, I love the pink you have on, but we can’t both wear hot pink! Can you ask him to put me in something black with a touch of pink? That’s not much to ask, right?”
Then, there was this situation that almost got a little crazy:
Valerie: Hey! I just had this great idea. For Brittain’s birthday party [Birthday Extravaganza Numero Uno] I saw this really cute thing on the internet. They do these custom-made cone-shape party hats. I ordered her one with her name monogrammed on it. But, I thought it would be fun (DANGER SIGNAL #1) if you came over and we wrote everybody’s names on their hats—you know—with sparkly markers or something like that.
Me: That sounds cute! [first grandchild, first grandchild]
Valerie: Bring your acrylic paints!
Four nights and 18 or so total hours’ sleep later, we had created these masterpieces:
If I am going to be perfectly honest here, I’ll have to admit Too Much Sugar has been near and dear to my heart before Valerie and Cecilia helped me learn how to take it to a whole new level. Take “Handmade Gift Christmas,” for instance (as opposed to “Mama’s Crazy Bow Christmas” if you care to read about it on Brittain’s Blog). During Handmade Gift Christmas, I went a little too far. I will say, though, that I was only 26, and it seemed like a great idea at the time, as many of my ideas do. Whatever came over me came over me big. It was during the big crafts craze. For my father’s Christmas gift, I decided to crochet a nice, warm scarf. Did I find someone to teach me or did I attend a class? No, I bought a book and read it. Here’s a hot tip: crocheting is not an easy skill to learn from a book, but don’t try to tell me that. I believe I may actually be the only person who did not learn to crochet at my grandmother’s knee. When someone told me I couldn’t teach myself from a book, move out of my way because I will do it or die trying. Some minor details were left out of the book (or at least I figure they were) because once I got started, I didn’t know how to stop. Literally. I must have yelled, “Stop the Insanity” and tied some special knot that I invented.
And so it was that my daddy’s scarf was more like an afghan which would be fabulous if you need warmth sitting in your favorite chair but looks very odd when worn around your neck over a coat. It was GIGANTIC and very long. I think he wore it once and then it disappeared. The only terms I can recall about crocheting are: (1) Yarn and (2) Never Again. That scarf was Too Much Sugar for a Dime.
As I have written this, I have had an epiphany about this entire subject. As the girls in our family and our activities have been called Too Much Sugar for a Dime through the years by their father/my husband, we have failed to recognize that HE is the true Sugar Monster, and it’s high time we called for a Sugar Smackdown!
Just like King Kong, if he had just cooperated a little more, he wouldn’t have become quite as agitated.
I hope I have given you a new phrase to incorporate into your vocabulary. Now that you have heard it, I’ll guarantee you one thing: you’ll know right away the next time something is Too Much Sugar for a Dime.